Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I Know Its Okay
I woke up with a feeling of restlessness. The residues of my feelings in the past few days thudded heavily down into the colander that was breaking. It was me. It wouldn't stand, so I let them drop, one by one, back into my dreams and now in my disturbing wakefulness. I knew I had to let go, but the thoughts beat the strums of the guitar that was my mind and produced disturbing rhythms that resonated throughout my being. The music was getting louder. I couldn't stop the tempo. I searched frantically for the button that would shut it down, but I knew I failed every time I tried. Why should I try when I know it will be futile? I wondered if this was introspection. The waves of desparation lapped, kicked hard and coursed through my system. But then I also heard voices, and they grew steady by the minute.Those were voices I'd recognize even in my death.They came to me by their own will, and knocked down the disturbing walls I had forcefully put up. With that, there was another voice I recognized was my own. The voices urged me to face the waves. And so I did. They could wash me away, but I'd get back to the shore anyway. Then I'd kick the dust of past happenings off my clothes and start all over again. I'd move on. I'd traverse the rocky shores with the hope that the voices would always come for me, and I'd stand up against the waves with greater strength each time. I stood up, yawned, stretched myself and readied up for the day. The music stopped, and I was all right.